One of the trickiest parts of coming to see a couples therapist is sitting with the idea that sometimes the therapist will take sides, and it may not always be in your favor. But honestly, that’s what you need-someone who will tell you the truth lovingly and in a way that helps your relationship get better. Having a therapist who is neutral all the time is nice, but also makes it hard to make real progress. Read our latest blog post to learn more about why couples therapists take sides at times, and the benefits you’ll receive as a client.
Read MoreThis is a question many new callers ask us on the phone when they are first in their search for a therapist. There' are so many kinds of therapy and it can be confusing to know what will work best in your situation. While we are always happy to discuss this (and all your) question in more detail, there are some overarching ideas to think about. Couples or individual therapy, what do you really need?
Read MoreDo you act childish during fights with your partner? You don't need to answer that, because I know you do. So does every single person on the planet, until they learn how to heal and change. Trauma is powerful, healing from trauma is even more powerful. In couples therapy you can actually heal, right in front of your partner, from the pain of your past so that the childish part of you can finally be taken care of and calm down. Your Adaptive Child does not have to come out during conflict anymore once you learn how to soothe it.
Read MoreWe’ve explored some reasons why sex is so difficult and the barriers that make engaging harder, and now we’re talking about how to make improvements in your sex life. It can help to understand the factors that make sex physiologically or psychologically more difficult (brakes) and things that really get your engine revving (accelerators). The key is for both partners to understand their own and each other’s turn ons and offs to change the context and set yourselves up for success to create an amazingly satisfying sex life.
Read MoreThis week we’re exploring why your partner can’t seem to do anything right, and of course by right that means the way that you do it. As Terry Real, couples therapist and creator of Relational Life Therapy says, “you can be right or you can be married.” It’s important to be able to increase your emotional intimacy with your partner, and you can do that by exploring differences in the way you approach things in life, even if your partner is folding the laundry wrong.
Read MoreSex…it’s a topic. This is something that couples will inevitably bring up in our time in couples therapy, some are upfront and ready to dive into it, and for other’s it takes some time to get comfortable discussing this part of the relationship. However, it’s essential that you are paying attention to your sexual intimacy, not so much in how often or how spicy it is, but more so understanding each person’s needs and desires. Satisfaction is key, but that looks different for everyone. This is an introduction to some of the factors that impact intimacy, and stay tuned for future posts getting more specific about how to build sexual intimacy.
Read MoreThis is a dynamic that plays out constantly in therapy when couples get into the great debate and go to World War 3 over the toilet paper, and then want to know who’s right and who’s wrong. Many couples therapists will steer far away from that, but we’re different. We’ll tell you the truth, but it may not be in the way you think. Check it out to find out my answer from working with couples for a decade.
Read MoreSometimes the parts of my husband that irritate me the most are the things I’m actually the most grateful for, when I take a second to think about it. In this blog post, I explore some of the science and humanity components that lead people to notice each other’s flaws and zero in on them. In actuality, it’s far more helpful to focus on finding gratitude for our partner’s flaws. Check out this post to see how and why.
Read MoreCommunication is key in relationships, and being able to talk freely and clearly will be essential as we move into the holiday season. There will be times you or your partner may need some time to take a break and calm down, or need a rescue buddy at a family gathering or holiday party. Check out this blog by couples therapist Jaimi Douthit as she describes a tool she uses with clients ALL THE TIME. It’s amazing simply yet successful in improving communication for couples in multiple settings. Give it a try!
Read MoreYou've implemented Elf on the Shelf as part of your kid's holiday traditions, but did you realize it could be helping your relationship too? Rituals are important in any relationship and will help you increase your positive interactions. Find out why this is important here and how to do this all year long.
Read MoreIf you're going through infertility, the holidays will likely be a challenging time. You may not even be aware of your emotions or the potential to be put in uncomfortable and stressful situations over the course of the season. Here I discuss 6 strategies for getting through the holidays, using your support systems, and enjoying your time with your partner.
Read MoreAre you facing infertility or trouble conceiving? It can be difficult to explain your situation to family and friends, and inevitably they will be asking you questions about when you're having a baby, or another baby, and when they will become grandparents. Learn how to begin talking about infertility so that those difficult conversations don't become hurtful and destructive. You can get the support you need by processing your emotions and communicating your needs clearly.
Read More