Creating Opportunities to Increase Emotional Intimacy
Increase Emotional Intimacy in Couples Therapy
Feel like it’s been challenging to connect with your partner? It’s hard to feel that distance and not know what to do to change it. When you're in a relationship, you start to feel connected to someone on a different level. You notice when they are struggling but maybe they are refusing to let you in.
Emotional intimacy is about being vulnerable with your partner and embracing opportunities to connect. In couples therapy, I look at increasing emotional intimacy through two different areas. Do you have the skill set for attunement? This has to be achieved first. Then we focus on actions that can create these opportunities to create stronger emotional intimacy.
Attunement
Attunement is, by definition, how reactive you are to the needs and feelings of another person. Engaging in building skills that will help you be more attuned are the seeds needed to grow your relationship. Is your garden going to flourish? When your partner seems to have something on their mind, do you engage or retreat?
It’s so important to create the space that lets your partner process what’s going on in their mind. It feels amazing to have someone show you that you are important and that your feelings are valid. In moments you are attuned and sense your partner needs extra support, it’s important to make eye contact with your partner (not looking at your phone), express empathy, and be mindful about not turning the conversation into all about you.
In the therapy world, we call this reflective listening. Pro tip: If your partner has a complaint about you and it doesn’t align with your feelings, that’s okay! Use this time to express concern for what they are disclosing and it has an opportunity to help them see that they are important and you feel strongly that we can find a solution to this issue.
Actions
Okay, so now that we know some skills to strengthen emotional intimacy, let’s talk about actions that we can engage in to provide opportunities to connect. One way is to engage in new experiences together. For example, you can go ziplining with your partner, take a cooking class, learn a new sport, read a book together-the possibilities are endless!
There is always one partner who will be more challenged by this activity than the other. The more confident partner can use this opportunity to support the other partner. Plenty of emotions can pop up (fear, excitement, anger, possibly wanting to hurt you for bringing them) ha. Regardless, look for and engage in opportunities to connect.
Trying new things together is great but don’t forget the activities that y’all have enjoyed together in the past. My husband and I love the outdoors. We embrace opportunities to get outdoors and reminisce on our past experiences. We enjoy rituals like going to dinner and looking forward to that time together.
Every relationship has actions like this that have the potential to create a stronger connection. Use this article to ask your partner questions like…. What activity in the past did we do together that was really special to you? The action of just asking this question provides an opportunity to connect.
Don’t Sleep on Creating Emotional Intimacy
When you start to notice distance and a lack of connection in your relationship, you need to implement these strategies immediately. It may seem like you’re just having an off day/week/month, but before you know it you have a huge problem in your relationship. These fissures only get bigger and deeper if not addressed, and the good news is that you and your partner get to have fun while reconnecting. Emotional intimacy is an essential component in maintaining other types of intimacy, and you won’t want to miss out on those!
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!
Begin Couples Therapy in League City, TX
We know relationships take a lot of hard work. But your relationship is important and deserves the effort. At Center for Couples Counseling we want to help you and your partner get back on the right track. To get started with in-person or online couples therapy follow these simple steps:
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At the Center for Couples Counseling, we understand you or your relationship may be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!