Strengthening Your Relationship: How Marriage Counseling Can Benefit Every Couple
Something that gives me hope for humanity has been the trend I've observed of couples coming in for counseling prior to taking that next big step.
Couples Therapy is for All Couples
Maybe they don't live together yet, maybe they live there together but aren't yet married, maybe they're married and are considering whether to have children. Or maybe they need help with repair.
I've had couples come in proactively to assess and solidify their strengths and communication. Often, when they do this, the process goes smoothly. We play relating games, where I teach them communication and conflict resolution skills. We role-play how to have difficult conversations and set boundaries with each other and family. We discuss new ways to approach intimacy. I help them identify exactly how they want their relationship to look going forward.
Maybe you're reading this and thinking "Good for them. I'm married, have been for years, and this shit is hard. Maybe it's too late for us?"
I'm here to tell you, wherever you are is a great place to start. Earlier is ideal. Now is great!
How does a relationship or marriage become stronger with couples counseling? Good question!
First, even the act of scheduling the first session can be cathartic and provide a sense of hope. I've heard so many clients share how impactful the therapy process is (even in the first session!), and knowing their partner chose to prioritize them in this way feels powerful.
Second, it's an opportunity to say the hard things. The things that have been rattling around in your head or shoved down your esophagus for months, maybe years. There's a famous phrase in counseling "Name it to tame it." I have seen time and again how powerful it can be to voice something, and because of the space, intention of the clients, and skill of the counselor, heavy things can be said without it devolving into a huge blowout. Almost every client at the end of an intake says "it feels good to get these things off my chest. I feel lighter." Naming the hard stuff is the first step to accountability, positive changes, repair, and a future with less tension and more smiles.
Putting the issues in concrete terms helps to reveal patterns and set goals.
Third, it's a space to examine your relationship, make requests and set boundaries, and practice identifying and expressing them in a supportive environment. You get to practice: verbal and non-verbal cues, saying and hearing no and fuck yes!, clear and productive negotiation, and consent dialogs in a lower stakes context with professional guidance. When you learn to identify and express the need underneath the criticism and resentment it can transform your relationship.
And my personal favorite, it's an opportunity to fall in love again. (Or more deeply). Not the crazy in love feelings you might have had in the early days... The established, enduring love of people who have seen the snarky, exhausted, fucking stressed parts of each other as well as the goofy, caring, playful parts, and find the whole person endearing and amusing. You get to find a teammate.
How do couples find teamwork and fall in love again in my office?
By sharing with each other in the here and now, by learning how to reveal their thoughts and emotions, by getting curious and empathizing before problem solving. The exercises we do invite and encourage the type of presence that might have been missing for a long time. It's almost impossible to engage in them without being present and connecting. While they're called "games," when practiced between sessions, couples gradually build skills to navigate things without the need for a translator or mediator. They are able to listen, reflect, and attune in deeper ways. Possibly reaching new depths together.
Clearer communication leads to being on the same page when planning for the future or even what to have for dinner. More substantive conversations often lead to more emotional and physical intimacy. Less frequent and intense conflict leads to healthier bodies and clearer minds. Again, yummier sex. Exploring and expressing boundaries and having them respected leads to more trust, which leads to more ease and grace.
Couples counseling, with the right therapist, can be both a playground and a lab to play-test new ways of being with your love(s). It's an opportunity to explore pain points to heal, express suppressed or new desires, learn practical tools to repair conflict, and practice new approaches to intimacy.
Whether you're being proactive or reactive, you can learn to be responsive by committing to the process while committing to your partner. Couples/marriage counseling truly can benefit EVERY couple.
If you're reading this and thinking "I'll take a big helping of all of that!" book a consultation with me and let's talk about how we can get you there.
My name is Sky Yeater and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate at the Center for Couples Counseling. I am passionate about helping couples and individuals pause, evaluate, set goals, and heal. To set up your free phone consultation so we can determine fit, call (832) 827-3288. Our Center serves couples and individuals in League City and Houston, Texas and all residents of Texas online!
Interested in Meeting a Couples Therapist in League City, TX?
If you want to improve your relationship and reconnect with your partner, take action now and start being more curious about your relationship. At Center For Couples Counseling, one of our skilled couples therapists can help you and your partner navigate your challenges and rediscover the curiosity and passion that brought you together in the first place. Don't wait any longer to invest in the health and happiness of your relationship. To meet with a couples therapist follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment
Meet with one of our skilled couples therapists
Begin to find the curiosity in your relationship and reconnect with your partner!
Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At Center For Couples Counseling, our team of skilled therapists understands that your relationship may be facing different challenges. In addition to couples therapy, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!