Quantity vs. Quality Time: How to Build Meaningful Experiences and Traditions as a Couple
I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve sat in front of a couple in therapy while they told me that they are feeling more and more like roommates than partners. The holidays tend to shine a light on these feelings even further! I especially love when someone works extra hard to convince me that a high quantity of time with their partner is comparable to true quality time together.
So Which is Better for Relationship Satisfaction, Quantity or Quality Time?
While both are important, the reality is when we are talking about creating a healthy and happy relationship, quality time is by far the priority over spending a higher quantity of time with your partner.
Quality time provides so much within a partnership and can prevent those feelings of, “I’m lonely sitting next to my partner” from creeping in.
The value of a higher quantity of time is obviously there, you are able to share a space with your partner which can help build intimacy in several realms, you have accessibility to your partner (which we love) and you are able to prioritize building a routine and stability within the relationship. Love ALL of that so so much. In fact, when we are discussing building traditions, intentionality in the quantity of time you spend together is an incredibly important piece of that process.
The trick to it is that we can have a low quantity of time with high value quality time and build connection, trust, intimacy, and love but with a higher quantity of time and a lower value quality time, you are going to see a huge impact on the health and happiness of the relationship.
The Benefits of Spending Quality Time as a Couple
When we are discussing quality time within a relationship and being intentional in building traditions together, we are able to explore a true depth within connection, experiences being present together while building lasting memories, a deep emotional intimacy, and we keep the intentionality of mindfulness front and center. We are also typically able to maintain stronger communication and trust within a relationship when we are intentional with the quality of time we spend together.
This is often a missing piece in the puzzle of the relationship. This is, at least partially, why couples feel like they are roommates who just share a space and maybe a couple inside jokes instead of feeling like a strong and intimate relationship with their teammate and partner.
Ideally, you’ll build a beautiful and meaningful balance between the quantity of time you spend with your partner and the intentionality in the high value quality time you spend together. This is invaluable to a fulfilling and healthy relationship and this is key to building lasting traditions.
What Does Quality Time Look Like?
Quality time can look a variety of ways but it is imperative that both individuals within the relationship consider it as quality time together. Quality time can be getaways with stimulating adventures together and can also look like quiet evenings with conversation and affection.
Ultimately, quality time is about intentionality in being present with your partner and utilizing your time together to build connection; some see this by sharing a knowing look when they know exactly what the other is thinking, some share a long laugh that brings tears of pleasure and some share silence as they sit in the comfort and warmth of their partner - it’s all incredible and meaningful!
This holiday season, we hope to find harmony between the quantity of time we have with our partners and the quality of time we spend with them - this is imperative to creating those traditions we get so excited about and to securing intimacy and connection with our partner. How do you stay intentional with your partner and your traditions during the holidays?
My name is Jaimi Douthit and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples and individuals who are ready and motivated to make changes in their lives and relationships, who can handle feedback and encouragement, and engage in using the tools I teach in therapy outside of the therapy room. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
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