Creating Shared Meaning—Why Rituals, Roles, and Dreams Matter in Your Relationship
When couples first fall in love, it's often the small things that bring them closer—inside jokes, spontaneous adventures, dreams whispered late at night. But over time, the busyness of life can take over. Careers, kids, and to-do lists can crowd out the deeper sense of "us." You both move about your lives, a bit on autopilot, and it’s all too easy to lose yourselves and your sense of relationship identity in the process.
That’s where Shared Meaning comes in.
According to the Gottman Method, building shared meaning is a powerful way to strengthen emotional intimacy and stay connected through life’s changes. It’s about more than agreeing on weekend plans—it’s about understanding and respecting each other’s inner worlds.
What Is Shared Meaning?
Shared meaning is the foundation of a couple’s unique culture: the values, stories, rituals, roles, and goals that make your relationship feel rich, grounded, and purposeful. It’s what makes people say “oh yes, that’s so what the Lopezes would do”.
Think of it as the answer to the question:
“What does this relationship mean to us?”
Without shared meaning, couples can drift into parallel lives or perhaps the dreaded roommate situation. With it, they feel like they’re building something together—not just coexisting.
Four Ways to Build Shared Meaning
1. Create Rituals of Connection
These are the predictable ways you stay connected, no matter how busy life gets.
Morning coffee together
Sunday night check-ins
A kiss hello and goodbye
Anniversary traditions
These small rituals become anchors of intimacy.
2. Honor Each Other’s Roles
Every couple defines roles differently—whether it’s who manages the finances, who makes social plans, or how parenting is divided. Conflict often arises when roles feel unbalanced or unacknowledged.
Talk openly about which roles you each enjoy, which feel burdensome, and how to share the load fairly.
3. Explore Shared Values
What do you care deeply about as a couple? Giving back? Adventure? Security? Personal growth?
Understanding your shared values can guide how you spend your time, make decisions, and support one another.
4. Support Each Other’s Dreams
One of the most powerful things you can do is say:
“Tell me more about what matters most to you—and how I can support it.”
Long-term couples who thrive keep making space for individual dreams and shared goals.
Try This Exercise Together
Schedule 30–45 minutes and ask each other:
What rituals do we have that feel meaningful? Are there any we want to bring back or start?
Do you feel appreciated for the roles you take on in our relationship?
What values do we try to live out together?
Is there a dream you’ve been holding that I don’t know about yet?
You don’t have to agree on everything. Shared meaning is about understanding—not uniformity.
Why It Matters
When couples cultivate shared meaning, conflict softens. Even hard conversations become easier when there's a sense that we're in this together. Your relationship becomes not just a source of love, but of identity—something you're co-creating with intention. Therapy is a great space to explore rituals, roles, and dreams together in a safe, guided way. If your relationship has lost its way and you don’t know who you are as a couple anymore, give us a call.
My name is Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT-S, LPC-S and I’m the owner at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love using a variety of techniques to help couples learn why they move into childish spaces during conflict, how to put down those defenses for good, and what to do when you can’t access the tools you know will work to get out of conflict. I love working with couples and individuals to learn how to live in the world more relationally and engage in meaningful relationships. With over a decade of couples therapy experience, I am passionate about training and supervising therapists to become specialized in highly effective couples therapy. We see couples, individuals, and all residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule your FREE phone consultation.
Start Couples Therapy in League City, TX
Are you and your partner struggling with marital issues? Looking to build a strong and secure relationship? At Center For Couples Counseling, you and your partner can learn to reconnect, create a healthy relationship, and gain support from our skilled couples therapists. To get started with couples therapy follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment
Meet with one of our caring couples therapists
Begin working on your relationship and reconnect with your partner.
Other Services Offered At Center For Couples Counseling
Our team understands your relationship might be facing different challenges. So our Texas practice offers other therapies to help you face these challenges. Other services include individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!