Dreading the Family Event: How to Survive the Holidays as a Team
Let’s be honest… the holidays aren’t always merry and bright. Sometimes they’re stressful, awkward, and legitimately exhausting. You love your family (usually), but the thought of navigating opinions, expectations, and that one relative who always comments on your life choices? Not exactly something to look forward to.
And when you add in your partner’s family, who might have totally different traditions, dynamics, and ideas about how long a visit should last, things can get complicated fast.
If you’ve ever looked at your partner before a family gathering and whispered, “We got this, right?”, you’re in good company!
Step One: Be Honest…Even About the Petty Stuff
Here’s the thing: pretending you’re both totally fine literally never works. The couples who handle the holidays best are the ones who tell the truth early… even about the small stuff.
It’s okay to say, “I get overwhelmed after three hours,” or “Your mom’s cooking is great, but can we not talk politics this year?” You don’t have to make a PowerPoint presentation about your boundaries (though honestly, it would probably help a ton of families), but you do need to talk about what’s coming up for each of you before you’re sitting in the middle of it.
When you both get to be honest, without judgment, it becomes a team effort instead of a silent competition of who’s more uncomfortable.
Step Two: Stay Connected in the Chaos
Surviving the holidays takes teamwork and a solid plan. Decide how long you’ll stay, which events are non-negotiable, and how to signal each other when it’s time for a graceful exit… or a snack break. And please, have a signal. A subtle squeeze of the hand. A “bathroom break” code word. A look that means, “Save me.”
It’s not sneaky… it’s a partnership. You’re creating a lifeline in a setting where one or both of you might feel trapped.
Step Three: Protect Your Peace
It’s easy to get caught up in trying to make everyone happy, especially during the holidays, when guilt and tradition collide.
But here’s the truth: you don’t owe anyone your emotional exhaustion.
If saying yes to everything leaves you snippy with each other or completely depleted, it’s okay to say no. Maybe this year you skip the second dinner or you leave before dessert. Maybe you split the time differently, or you start your own smaller tradition that actually feels good. What?! I know… you can choose to do that!
You can still love your family and also protect your peace. Those two things can exist together.
Step Four: Find the Fun (Even if It’s the “We Survived This” Kind)
Sometimes the only way through is to laugh about it. When things get awkward or stressful, find ways to make it your story, not something happening to you.
The more you can stay connected to each other in those little moments, the less power the stress has over you.
Step Five: Choose Peace Over Perfection
There’s so much pressure this time of year to make things perfect… perfect meal, perfect visit, perfect memories. But real connection doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from staying on the same team, even when things get messy.
You don’t have to impress anyone or perform your way through the holidays. You just have to show up for each other.
So if you find yourself dreading the family event this year, take a deep breath, give each other a look that says, “We’ve got this,” and remember what actually matters: protecting your peace, keeping your humor, and staying connected through the chaos.
Because honestly, that’s what the holidays are really about.
My name is Jaimi Douthit and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples and individuals who are ready and motivated to make changes in their lives and relationships, who can handle feedback and encouragement, and engage in using the tools I teach in therapy outside of the therapy room. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
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