Good Grief!: Reclaiming the Holidays After Loss
It’s starting to get a little cooler outside. The days are getting shorter. Trees are turning
burnt orange and brown. There is early morning dew on the grass. Even the air is
beginning to feel a bit crisper. This means one thing…the holiday season is upon us.
And as much joy as this time of the year brings, for some, it is a pit of despair because
their loved one is no longer here.
In times of sorrow, this time of year may
seem like an act of vengeance. I mean
seriously…who the fuck wants to
decorate a Christmas tree when mom
isn’t here to criticize the decorations?
Who the fuck wants to eat Thanksgiving dinner with
their in-laws when you can’t call Dad
afterwards to talk about their dry ass turkey? Who the fuck wants to visit with family
when sis isn’t here to tell me that my eyebrows look stupid? Just take the ham…the
turkey…the lights…the Christmas tree…and burn it all to the ground!!
Right now, a lot of us are going through difficult times, but there are tiny steps you can take to respect your feelings and help ease the pain.
Forget about tradition and create a plan that works for you where you are. Keep in
mind that people experiencing the same loss may respond differently to different things, and what works for
you this year might shift and change over time. Please give yourself extra grace for whatever comes up.
2. Feel your feelings. If you want to go
Christmas caroling in an all-black goth
ensemble, then do it! If you’re in a good
mood on the ride to Aunt Jean’s
Thanksgiving Soiree but want to hide or
scream the moment you get there, find a quiet place
or a pillow and do what you gotta do.
3. Have an exit plan. If you’re visiting someone else’s
house, plan how to leave if things get too difficult. It is
not your responsibility to ease the comfort of
others. And, if you choose not to go, don’t feel bad
about it. This year, focus on what you
need rather than others’ expectations.
4. Take care of yourself. This is the season to fill your cup. Don’t shame spiral if you
choose to take a trip, get a massage or simply lie in bed all damn day instead of
listening to Cousin Karl talk about his vasectomy at the kitchen table.
5. Don’t feel guilty if you actually enjoy yourself.
Even in your time of grief, you deserve every ounce of
happiness. Grief and gratitude are not mutually
exclusive.
While grieving can be challenging at any time of year, it is particularly challenging during the season of joy, hope,
and togetherness. If you feel like you’re unable to manage your grief, a therapist can provide a safe, non-
judgmental space to process your feelings.
My name is Naomi Arceneaux and I am an LPC-Intern at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are ready to stop hiding behind resentment or fear and start showing up with courage and clarity. Even if the future feels uncertain, there’s power in deciding to face it—together. I’m here when you’re looking to bravely move forward. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
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Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At the Center for Couples Counseling, we understand you or your relationship may be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!