Who Guides the Guides?: The Web Around the Work
Have you ever wondered how your therapist holds all of your heavy stuff? How do therapists process the stories they're trusted with? Is your therapist secretly a perfectly regulated human? (Spoiler: no, and that's the point.) Where do therapists go to be heard? Who guides the guides?
It turns out, quite a lot of people.
While in grad school, therapy students lean on their classmates (their cohort) for camaraderie. During internship, they rely on their team and supervisor for feedback and support. And most therapists have a therapist of their own.
This network is vital for emotional endurance in our field.
Do Therapists Get Therapy?
Most of us are familiar with the trope of doctors who refuse to go to the doctor. While I've heard of therapists who aren't in therapy, I don't know any personally. I strongly believe we shouldn't offer something we don't regularly receive. It's important for us to receive personal and professional support, and to understand firsthand the experience we ask of our clients.
Our therapy looks a lot like yours. We start with regular sessions while we build trust and our therapist gets to know our world. Over time we find the rhythm that works for us, and when life throws something big our way, we reach out for extra support.
My team and I talk regularly about our own therapy in supervision. We might spend time discussing our relationships with our therapists and what they're helping us through, including useful strategies we might borrow.
What Is Supervision?
When training to be a therapist, we work under our supervisor's license, which means that until we complete our required hours and become fully licensed, we're an investment. Our supervisors have a vested interest in our professional development, for their sake, for ours, and for our clients'. Interns and associates are required to attend regular supervision meetings. These often include the supervisor and, if we're lucky, at least a couple of colleagues, so we gain fresh perspectives on our "cases." That's you, folks!
Supervision is no longer a requirement for me. It's a choice I make every week. It keeps me learning and connected, and it lets me pass on what I've learned to newer members of our team.
Just as important as understanding the "case" is exploring how our own experiences show up in the therapy room and shape the relationships. A mindful supervisor asks about our personal processing, gut feelings, reactions, and chosen responses, so we stay aware of what we bring into the room.
Remember my Human in the Chair article? I'm also a human in supervision. I've come in crying from personal heartache. I've supported colleagues through their own chronic illnesses and those of their family members. We talk about our family dynamics, parenting concerns, travel, and holidays.
Because we know our personal lives affect how we show up as professionals.
What the Heck Is the Isomorphic Process, and Why Should I Care?
For the past decade, I've been training and working as a community leader, relationship coach, and therapist. And while I've experienced my life affecting my work and vice versa, it wasn't until recently in supervision that I learned a term for it: the isomorphic process.
The isomorphic process is when interaction patterns, dynamics, or roles from one part of a system are replicated in another. These patterns are overt, inter-relational, and structural. For example, if a couple struggles to share directly with each other and uses a third party to pass messages, they might try to only speak through the therapist. It’s up to us to recognize, address, and redirect or break these patterns. A glaringly obvious way I might bring this into supervision is if, while my entire team is present, I tell my supervisor something about one of my colleagues rather than addressing them directly.
We explore these interconnected areas in supervision so we can bring the ideas, interventions, and personal insights into session in ways that will benefit everyone involved.
For you, this means paying attention to the systems and structures that shape you. What are you bringing into the therapy room? What might your partner be bringing in? It goes deeper and broader than stress affecting your sex life or family dynamics affecting your holidays. To various degrees, we're shaped by interactions we had as small humans, and by a recent exchange with a cashier or another driver on the road. Who were you in those moments?
Interconnected Ripples, Not Bubbles
With rare exceptions, people come to therapy to talk about people. Individuals usually talk about a partner, family member, friend, or coworker. Couples come in to talk about each other, and often about their children, families, friends, and work.
Sometimes couples try to avoid talking about others because they want to focus on their relationship. I completely get that instinct, especially if they don't have many chances to process relationally outside our sessions. Still, when one of those outside interactions is weighing on them, I help them see how their other relationships affect this one.
We all affect each other. Understanding my clients' wider relational world and support network helps me guide them toward resources and connections.
I wholeheartedly welcome client feedback because I know my life experiences impact our dynamics. And, when it serves the work, I share stories from my own relationships and lessons I've learned, and my clients take what resonates. The support system in my life directly shapes how I show up for my clients. Because the listener needs a listener too.
My name is Sky Yeater and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Couples Counseling. I am an LGBTQ+ person and professional passionate about helping couples and individuals find empowerment in their lives and relationships. If you’re looking to grow with new tools and humor, call (832) 827-3288 to set up your free phone consultation. Our Center serves couples and individuals in League City and Houston, Texas and all residents of Texas online!
Interested in Meeting a Couples Therapist in League City, TX?
If you want to improve your relationship and reconnect with your partner, take action now and start being more curious about your relationship. At Center For Couples Counseling, one of our skilled couples therapists can help you and your partner navigate your challenges and rediscover the curiosity and passion that brought you together in the first place. Don't wait any longer to invest in the health and happiness of your relationship. To meet with a couples therapist follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment
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Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At Center For Couples Counseling, our team of skilled therapists understands that your relationship may be facing different challenges. In addition to couples therapy, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!