Fair Fighting in Couples Therapy: Protect Your Marriage After a Fight
It feels really good to have someone validate the thoughts of injustice you feel after a fight with your partner. “You know what he said”!!! “I can’t believe he thought that was acceptable”! It also makes sense that you would have the desire to discuss this with your best friend or even family member. However, while this release feels therapeutic, it can start planting the seeds for long lasting resentment and possibly losing trust in the relationship.
Ultimately, I want you to get to a place where you feel confident discussing your conflict with your partner. Sometimes we need to get into a better head space to feel less emotionally reactive to find a solution that meets both partners' needs. I have been married 17 years and I know this can be very challenging at times. Ask yourself the following questions before you discuss your relationship struggles with someone other than your partner. Safeguard your marriage!
Do I trust that the person I’m about to disclose my relationship struggles to has my best interest at heart?
I don’t know about you, but I have a variety of friends that have many different qualities. There are some that I know would not intentionally give me horrible advice, but lack the emotional maturity to navigate how complex situations can be. I feel like the older I have gotten, it’s way easier to identify and weed out friends that are also a bit selfish when it comes to your time. They may take a stressful time that you're having in your relationship as an opportunity to spend more time with you.
Do I respect this person’s choices in how they handle relationships?
Just because a friend or family member happened to be near you during a fight with your partner doesn’t mean they are the one to vent to. There are always those individuals that are very black and white about solutions and may have a track record in their relationships that lack compromise. Maybe not the ideal candidate to disclose to.
Does this person genuinely care about both partners?
Be cautious when talking to certain family members that will obviously take your side because they are more invested in you. It’s natural for them to feel this way because they have known you longer than your partner. But, you need someone who genuinely cares about the relationship.
Figuring out who to debrief with, confide in, or lean on as a support system can be a hot topic in couples therapy. Resentments pop up when partners’ disagree on what to disclose and who to process relationship struggles with. I have noticed, more times than not, both partners can identify the people in their life who are ideal in supporting the relationship during hard times.
Most of the time, both partners agree who that is. We usually reflect on this after a session of conflict resolutions skills. I’m going to say it one more time! You know who I want you to deal with your relationship struggles with ultimately?? Your partner!!!!
I also understand that not everyone has supportive people in their life. Working with a therapist can be an amazing avenue for additional support. Couples therapy is a great way to refine your skills during conflict that will make you feel safer to keep your conflict within the relationship. We all can benefit from learning our safe people to confide in. Sometimes, that’s an awesome couples therapist! Wink!
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!
Begin Couples Therapy in League City, TX
We know relationships take a lot of hard work. But your relationship is important and deserves the effort. At Center for Couples Counseling we want to help you and your partner get back on the right track. To get started with in-person or online couples therapy follow these simple steps:
Meet with one of our skilled couples therapists
Begin to see positive changes in your relationshipOther Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At the Center for Couples Counseling, we understand you or your relationship may be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!