How Long Does It Take to Heal From an Affair?
One question I always get when I’m doing an intake for affair recovery: “How long does it take to heal from an affair?”
Short answer, it depends! Each circumstance is unique, therefore there are a variety of factors to take into account when it comes to the “how” and “how long” of healing.
For example:
The quality of the relationship with the unfaithful partner prior to the affair
The length of the affair
The type of the affair (emotional or physical)
The number of occurrences
The accountability and transparency of the affair partner
Research shows that affair recovery takes about 2-5 years. I have clients that have done the work and felt like they were at a more stable place after 6 months to a year. Look, getting to that place is hard work and just because you get there does not mean you’ll never be triggered again. The goal is to assure the triggers are less frequent and the relationship is stronger than it has ever been.
Below are a list of 3 areas that help decrease the time to heal from the betrayal of an affair.
Let’s just start being honest, please!
Research shows that most partners will forgive the unfaithful partner. After learning this new revelation about the unfaithful partner, their world is turned upside down. The hurt partner is trying to navigate what the truth is-about everything? If the unfaithful partner could do this, what else are they lying about?
It is so important for the unfaithful partner to be open and honest about the details. The right therapist knows how to navigate this piece, which allows for true transparency. Try not to drop little truth bombs through the process. It will set back the recovery exponentially. You must be honest in the beginning to produce the best results.
True Repentance
Assuming the person that cheated was in a long term relationship, it’s extremely important that the hurt partner feels a heartfelt apology. This can get tricky because depending on the length of the affair, the unfaithful could be struggling with the appropriate sincerity. Often, the unfaithful has been in a cloud of delusion and their sincerity in the beginning could be light. The hurt partner can feel this and it can lead to a slower healing time.
Structured Conversations
Finding an infidelity specialist is so important in navigating this trauma that the relationship is experiencing. There are steps that a therapist can take to provide structure and safety in navigating this difficult time. The unfaithful partner needs to engage in exploring the unhealthy belief patterns that have brought them to these decisions. The hurt partner will be dealing with symptoms that align with PTSD. Some therapists call this post infidelity stress disorder.
There are so many different variables that contribute to the speed to which you can heal from infidelity. Make sure you take this seriously and honor the symptoms that are produced by this breach in trust. You can choose to make this process as painless as possible by recruiting a support system and getting a trusted therapist on your team. You deserve to heal and feel safe and whole again.
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!
Begin Affair Recovery in League City, TX
If you and your partner have experienced infidelity in your relationship, it's important to seek the help of one of our skilled therapists to begin the journey of affair recovery. Don't wait any longer to take action - begin the process of healing and rebuilding trust in your relationship with the Center for Couples Counseling, by following these three simple steps:
Meet with one of our skilled affair recovery therapists
Begin to heal your relationship and build trust with your partner in a healthy way!
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