Collect Community: Finding Folks to Support Your Partnership
How much support do you have moving through the mundane and the crises of your days? Do you have family, friends, your partner? If you or your child is sick, how disrupted is your work and self-care?
My clients, particularly young parents, lament a lack of family support with their children; and couples in their 40’s and 50’s, that they don’t have very many friends, they don’t go out often.
This past weekend my husband was in the hospital with a moderate medical condition. He had to stay several days for observation. I invite you to reflect on what comes up for you thinking about your partner being in the hospital for that long. How disruptive would that be for your life?
You might be surprised to hear that on Saturday morning, for several hours, I had a lovely time of self- and home-care at home. Why?
Found family.
We are Polyamorous, with multiple partners. A lot of people’s brains, when they hear this, think of what our sex lives must be like, how do we handle the jealousy… Those are aspects of our lives, of course. And so much more. We share all parts. We’re present for games nights, birthdays, losses, triumphs. In sickness and in health.
So, while getting updates in group texts, I was able to feel peace and trust that his many loves would be there in shifts to spend time with him. Watching shows, fixing the occluded tubes, microwaving heat packs, asking the nurses questions, and trying to boost his spirits.
It had me reflect on the power and importance of community.
For myself, I feel the most closeness with my chosen family. My partners and friends are the people I depend on for emotional intimacy, helping me move, and taking care of me during heartbreak, after surgery, or both.
This is a lesson we can learn from LGBTQ+ folks.
One of the powers of people in these groups is finding and appreciating community. Many are neurodivergent. Many have experienced exclusion from their church or family of origin. So, when they find someone who gets it, they cherish a sense of belonging.
Regardless of your relationship structure, I want to encourage you to expand your support network. When you’re trying to balance work, kids, keeping the romance alive, I know it’s hard … Try to not get sucked into the story that your dyad is enough, or a higher type of relationship than friends; depending on one person to meet all of your needs is a quick route to loneliness and burnout.
Just start.
It’s worth putting off the gym, putting off those work emails, getting a babysitter so you can go out to social events. Find peer support groups for special interests, parenting, dancing… Once you do, and meet a few people, follow-up. Actually schedule and keep future plans. It can also become an exponentially expanding web.
Then, ask for help. You’ll have people who can support your date nights, watch your kids, people who can hear stories from your partner you’ve heard a ton, be around people who will ask them questions you never thought of, hear stories from your partner you’ve never heard.
Of course, you don’t have to go out and meet people as a couple. You can have self-date nights to go socializing. It gives you a chance to describe your partner and partnership to someone new. It gives you a new conversation topic for your date nights, you get to bring your new connections to future events where everyone gets to meet. Either way you choose to meet people, being able to share time in camaraderie will bring you closer to your partner.
If your world is feeling small, your partner is resisting branching out, or your relationship feels awkward to share with others, we’re here to help.
My name is Sky Yeater and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate at the Center for Couples Counseling. I am an LGBTQ+ person and professional passionate about helping couples and individuals find empowerment in their lives and relationships. If you’re looking to grow with new tools and humor, call (832) 827-3288 to set up your free phone consultation. Our Center serves couples and individuals in League City and Houston, Texas and all residents of Texas online!
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Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At Center For Couples Counseling, our team of skilled therapists understands that your relationship may be facing different challenges. In addition to couples therapy, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!