Tips for Managing Perfectionism in the New Year
If you fight that need for perfectionism on a daily basis, I get it - samesies. Now, I will not tell you that I have a flawless system to defeat perfectionism that just never goes wrong (If I had the button - I would push it). I have, however, worked hard to find how to be as effective as possible as often as possible and I am happy to share that with you.
Reframing and Self-Compassion
When we put energy into working with our perfectionism, that is exactly what we have to keep front and center… we are working WITH this piece of ourselves which can actually be our Superpower if we let it! I am not saying that we cannot overcome our need for perfectionism but more often than not, this need is a piece of our personality and it is something that we learn to manage and not defeat. When we learn to manage our perfectionism, we are able to feel happy, effective, productive and that our quality of life is not regularly disrupted.
I do want to STOP… just a second… I need to say that some of this journey is just taking a step back and being nice to yourself (check out this blog for more info on self-compassion). So, okay yea - you like things to be a certain way, you like things to feel perfect and you are extra hard on yourself about it… let’s find a way for this to add to your life and not take away from it. Let’s make this need for perfectionism more manageable.
Tips and Tricks to Manage Perfectionism
I have some tips and tricks I use everyday to process through all I add to my to-do list. These work for me and they might work for you but it would also be okay if we needed to change something up so that it fits you as an individual. With that in mind, let’s visit a short list of some of the things I have found to be most helpful for me:
-If you thrive in lists: make the damn list and allow making lists to be easy and exciting! Get a planner that works for you! (We LOVE a good planner!)
-Set new boundaries for yourself: What does my work day look like? What is a realistic expectation for this project? Remember that boundaries are how we are going to respond to a situation, we don’t get to control the situation (I know, total bummer).
-Reach out to your support team when you are struggling/spiraling. It is a good idea to talk to your partner, friends and family about how they can support you when you are struggling with perfectionism. (I would have this conversation outside of the spiral if possible.)
-Set your big goal but set small and reasonable goals that add up to your big goal.
*Goal: Big Work Project
What do I want this to look like? (What pieces/steps do I need to consider?)
How much time should I commit to this project? (What is expected? What is manageable for me?)
How do I make sure I stay on track? (Expectations by what times/dates)
How/Who can I ask for support as needed? AND How will I know I need that support?
Keep a “this is my next list” list
Example:
*Goal: Clean the house
I want a clean house so I will need to prioritize ; a clean kitchen (dishes and counters), a clean floors (swept/mop/vacuum), clean laundry (clean and put away), declutter commonly used spaces (clean surfaces and corners of bedrooms, living room,dining table and bathrooms)
I will complete this over the span of 1 day
I know I am staying on track if I am still marking things off my list throughout my day and not adding to the list.
I can call my partner or family/friend for support if I am feeling overwhelmed by my task. I know I am overwhelmed when I start adding to my list or if I feel stuck/frozen/lose motivation.
I will keep this notepad and pen here so that as I come across other tasks I want to complete, I can add them here to a different list to be a focus after I am done or next time I dedicate time to organizing/cleaning my space.
Try Something New for Your Perfectionism in the New Year
If you have realized over time or even… literally right now, that your current system is not working and that your quality of life has diminished due to your need for perfectionism, try something new. Step out of the comfortable system that isn’t working and try something new and uncomfortable that with time and patience, may change every single day of your life. You are worth investing in. Therapy for perfectionism is highly effective for getting people unstuck, being more kind to themselves, and letting go of anxiety and worry. If the tips you’ve been trying on your own aren’t quite enough to allow you to enjoy your life fully, give counseling a try!